Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
well you can't waste a boner
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
