goodnight i made you a song goodbye
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
