Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
