I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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