just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize