sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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