if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize