i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
