dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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