in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize