that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This gyro tastes like lonliness
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
