operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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