we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
