its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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