normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
