I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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