you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
