It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
