omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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