Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize