I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
cat food counts as protein by the way
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
