I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
