a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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