Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
