FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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