Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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