I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
