somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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