broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
