Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
