Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
