The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
