Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You are the jesus of drinking
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
