I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
