Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
