Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
