It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
