We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I touched a dick in church today
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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