i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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