New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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