FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
