she was so not down for the gang bang
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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