She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
