he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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