can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
