Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
