Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
