Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
worst night to have a conscience
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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