you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
