I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
