I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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