just come out here and I will go home with you...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
