Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
