my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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