Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
