don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
