Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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