69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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