He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
