I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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