when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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