You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
