Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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