well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
