We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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