You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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