she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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