I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
what day is it and did you see me today?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
