i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
