lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
