i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
