Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
birth control should be required to get into college
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
