Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
