After last night, I could never be a politician.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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