I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize