i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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