It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
