in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
