We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
