Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
