Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
