He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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