Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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