But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
