What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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