I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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