so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
