It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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