By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
how does that bad decision feel?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
