Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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