Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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