i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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