Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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