Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Mom said you looked used
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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