Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
