very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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