last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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