this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
