I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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