I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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