i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
