and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize