I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
