dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
