walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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